caught in a whirlwind

whenever i had taken personality tests, i’m always somehow smack dab in the middle of being characterized as either an introvert and extrovert.  left to my own devices, i think i’d live my life more as an introverted person.  i don’t gather groups of friends.

fortunately i’ve been a lucky participant of already formed groups of good people through chance introductions.  it is wonderful to grow together and become closer through the years by celebrating each other and supporting each other through various life events.  i love it.

however why is it that this  adage, “when it rains, it pours,” have to be proven true repeatedly?   for the introvert in me, socializing weekly sometimes feels overwhelming and stressful.  it may seem strange to say then, when i get “there,” that is to say, the event itself, i have so much fun and enjoy my friends and the time spent together.

but then the day immediately following the event, i sometimes feel a strange sense of turmoil over the anticipation of another event.  the cycle repeats itself and it is not fun.  i can’t quite explain it.

i wish i didn’t feel this way.  W is wonderfully patient with me; he reminds me to simply live in the moment.  if only that way of living came naturally to me…  fortunately i am finding that i’m able to slowly adopt this way of living.  it is not easy to change my emotional responses – they are habits – but it can be helped; recognizing and analyzing my feelings is less difficult than altering my feelings though.  what is easy is reminding myself that the benefit of the company of my friends is greater than the constant company of my own self.

the feeling of being caught in a whirlwind is a helpless feeling. thinking through my actions, responses, and focusing on the positive helps me regain control of my emotional turbulence.

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